Author: Bandolero

About Bandolero

Bandolero is an acrominical phoneme dissimilar in many ways from the phenominal esprit de la monastic pheronome widely observed in the montanas and sometimes mistaken for somebody else.

Justice, Misc

Los Bastardos Pendejos

El Bandolero discovered that certain cowardly agents covertly infiltrated his web server and maliciously added nefarious code to many files. The exact purpose of this endeavor is unknown (we have now determined their purpose and it was not honorable), but their deeds were not undetected due to vigilance on the part of El Bandolero and his allies who are, even as we speak, hot on the trail of the perpetrators. When apprehended, it should be known that El Bandolero has no qualms about certain techniques which politically correct mealy-mouthed liberals decry and condemn with self-indulgent indignation. No, El Bandolero will not hesitate to use waterboards, detach fingernails (ever so slowly yet ever so effectively), gouge eyeballs (not once with ice picks but often with needles), drop grub worms in ears and then cover them with duct tape, release fire ants in underwear after pouring honey on genitalia, etc., etc.

You know who you are. Now, fear the swift hand of Bandolero’s justice!

Anecdotal

Snow Blower

One day Bandolero awoke and thought he had died and gone to heaven. Everything was white. Bright white. And he couldn’t feel anything. It seemed as though he was numb all over. He had to think awhile about this. He couldn’t remember getting shot, or falling off his horse, or having a heart attack, or anything that would account for being dead. While going through a list of possibilities he heard something strange. It sounded like “mmmph, mmmph, mmmph.” Suddenly there was a whoosh and Blacky the outlaw was staring down at him.

“Are you dead, too?” Bandolero asked.

“Don’t be stupid, Bando, it snowed last night! Get up!”

And, indeed, it had snowed, and snowed a lot. This explained everything, which was very reassuring to Bandolero since it meant he had not lost his memory, after all.

“Y’know,” he said to Blacky, “we’re gonna need a snow blower to get the horses out of the stable.”

“No problem,” said Blacky, “there’s one lives two houses down.”

“Very funny,” snorted Bandolero. “But that’s not exactly the kind of snow blower I meant.”

Which was true, it wasn’t.

“Ha-ha!” laughed Blacky as they unpacked shovels from their saddlebags.

[Read more in the Bandolero Memoirs]

Misc

And Another Year Is Gone

We looked and then we looked again because it was inconceivable the last post was in December of 2009. We pondered the possibility that the database had an accident or something and a year’s worth of posts had got lost or deleted. Come to think of it, that might’ve been a decent excuse, if it had been true. Bandolero, however, as you all well know, is a man of truth and honor, so that was not an option, tempting as it was. But, now, at least, we have this new post, even though it adds little, if nothing, to the wealth of knowledge Bandolero has always hoped, and still hopes, to contribute to the world. Do not despair, amigos. Bandolero rides still!